Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
