yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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