he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
