And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
