I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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