I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This baby is an asshole
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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