Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
