i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
