when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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