I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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