Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
