...so i touched it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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