I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
