Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
