3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
