Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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