they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
