Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
