Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".