thus making me awesome and them whores
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.