I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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