Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
