my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
home. puking in laundry basket.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment