Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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