I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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