Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
