I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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