Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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