i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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