Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
