So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
