Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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