This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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