It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
