i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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