Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
