Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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