I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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