at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
