it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
