Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
