So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
