Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
