He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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