my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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