if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
