oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
