Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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