I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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