Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
