I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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