dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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