I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
