I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
