She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The Olympian is in my bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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