3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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