Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Im part way to drunk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
