Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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