Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
