Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
