Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
