So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
