I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
