Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
