Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
