Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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