God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
