She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
