Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
