oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
