Whod you bang
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
