i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
