i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
