just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
