we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
