i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
